Thursday, January 23, 2014

When did I suddenly need external valadation?

Warning: A Pity Party follows this message. Continue at your own risk and avoid excessive eye rolling when possible.

     This, inevitably, has become my life since my hypothyroidism kicked in. While an introvert at heart, I still enjoyed going out with people with the occasional late night drinking that didn't see an end till 2a.m. The spontaneous road trips. Blind dates. Getting lost in the mountains...The early 20's can make you feel invincible.

     So at first, I was pretty bummed that I just didn't have the energy for anything past a Netflix marathon. Than, as the months went by, I grew into my new lifestyle. I accepted that Friday nights were no different than any other night and I become comfortable with my new routine. I enjoyed my own company and didn't see a need to change.

     It was only when I moved back to Colorado that I realized how much I missed my friends, and how I was sliding into spinsterhood. Almost two years later, its finally dawning on me that its way to early in the game to settle down and let life pass me by.

     Let me tell you a quick story my dear readers. Before I had let my thyroid get the better of me  and I packed up my life, I was infatuated with a co-worker. He hadn't worked there very long and I was about two weeks from the inevitable downward spiral. (Wow, melodramatic much?) Nothing really happened, but before I left he asked me out to coffee, which I couldn't make to, but the gesture was sweet all the same. It was a nice little token to take with me. That was the end of it really. Months go by, we chit-chat now and than, but nothing serious, and nothing that was making me hold my breath.

     When I moved back to Colorado, it took a few months, but eventually we did  hang out (no coffee, and nothing scandalous for those that want to jump to conclusions). I had a great time and I felt comfortable in my own skin. It was quite easy to tell thou, that I was no longer the same girl that left a year ago. I no longer had interesting things to say. My life was a rut and nothing new was happening. I.e. There was no job or hilarious story to relay. My life had become nothing to brag about. More so, my physique was gone. Stress eating and general weight gain associated with hypothyroidism had has taken its toll. I went out thinking I could pick up right where I had left off when I ran away, and came back that night feeling like a failure.

     For the first time in so long, I wanted external validation for the way I was living my life.

     Chronic health issues can feel very isolating. My energy, pain tolerance, and anxiety levels varies from day to day. So how do you stay reliable for work, friends, lovers, or anything really with a set schedule? Do you find it discouraging at times?

How do you cope?


  1. Hello my friend~ I understand what you are saying. Im not much fun these days...unless somebody's idea of fun is getting in your pajamas at 6pm and watching movies on the couch. In that case, I'm the life of the party :) I have been reading your blog for awhile now and while I have no idea if you are as fun and interesting as you used to be, I do know that you are extremely talented, open & honest, self-aware and wise. If I had to guess, I bet you are kind and empathetic too. Our disease has changed our lives - it has taken things away from us but given us a deep level of understanding of what other people go through. It also turns us into extraordinarily strong people - dealing with this everyday certainly has made us strong. Anyway, you are amazing and I bet that boy you finally hung out with thinks so too.

  2. Hi! I am sorry that I am responding so late! Thank you for the kind words, I really appreciate the boost :)